R.O.T.I.F. Needs Your Help

I normally don't like to publicize my philanthropy- I never told anyone that I coach a wheelchair hockey team on Thursday nights (they're also autistic), or about my volunteer work as a guinea pig for the Institute of Psychosexual Behavior.

But I need to tell you all about my latest charity project, only because it's kind of my baby, and if I don't start spreading the word, no one will. And I really, really believe my new charity can make a big difference.

I started Reading On the Toilet Is Fundamental (R.O.T.I.F., rhymes with 'motif') this year as a way of getting the public, but especially children, to read more while on the toilet.

Factual Science Magazine has reported that the average person spends between 5 and 45 minutes per day sitting on a toilet or hole in the ground. They also report that reading comprehension increases by 236% in the distraction-free environment of the restroom.

This means that in one year, a person can absorb over 1,000 extra pages of information simply by reading everytime SHe sits on the toilet.

My mission is simple: "A book for every toilet."

All we need are books, chains to secure the books to the toilets so they don't get swiped, and a modest advertising campaign. (As far as advertising is concerned, we're already off to a good start; former baseball and football superstar Bo Jackson has just signed on to do a poster campaign, featuring him reading "The Old Man and the Sea" on the toilet.)

If you have any books, chains, advertising know-how, or legal tender you can donate, please send them to Reading On the Toilet Is Fundamental, 128 St. Mark's, Apt. 2C, NY NY.

The future of America's toilet readers depends on us.